Colors Of The Mind #11

“…Due to a large volume of applications…”

Make Life Worth Living (MLWL) is a project by Zaluso Arts whose goal is to explore and spark conversations about issues concerning mental health, through art.

It’s decision day! I’m anxious and low-key excited. It is still rather early in the morning. There should be a few more hours between now and hearing back from them. Okay now, breathe, put your phone down. You’ve got this. I mean, you checked all the boxes! 3 years’ experience? You have 5. Creativity skills? Just check out the cover letter. Carefully crafted, synonyms hand-picked from Microsoft Word, seriousness with an edge of “fun to be around”, all the right elements to warrant acceptance. So you know what, it’ll be fine. And heck even if you don’t get this, its fine, life moves on…

(…and so the self pep talk goes, as she spends the next two hours twiddling her thumbs, waiting for that all important email…)

And it’s here! That little envelope in the top left corner of the phone screen appears. With a pull at the dropdown menu, the words of the preview hit me “Dear Applicant. Due to a large volume of applications…”

That’s it! I do not need see any more!  I know how this goes. An equivalence of, “we need to talk”. And what follows? “It’s not you… it’s us. It’s our problem we received a large volume of applications. It’s our problem we attract a lot of bright people. It’s our problem we cannot accept you. Really, it’s not you, it us!” and what do I see? “YOU JUST AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH!”

If you have ever had to apply for jobs or school, a conference or a fellowship, the experience above might be all too familiar. You walked what you thought was the path to your dreams, only to find yourself smacking into the wall of rejection… and it hurts! You had this perfect picture coloured out in your mind of how life would pan out – the blues of the beach you’d live close to, meetups with the blends of people from different cultures, the things you would be able to afford and the doors it would open for you. Mentally, you had “arrived”!

And if you are a Christian, what hurts even more is that you had pleaded with God for something you know He could give you, but doesn’t. You begin to think that what you believed with all your heart was a God given desire, may not be after all. Stuck between whether to let it go as a “no” from God or like the widow in Luke 18, to keep asking until He grants your desire. You are overwhelmed with grief and sadness, and the only person you know could console you seems to be the same person holding back from you.

Contrary to what some may say, grief is a natural response to losing something – even if it was something you never had. Ever go to a funeral and people tell the bereaved not to cry if they are Christian? Yet the Bible says “…you do not grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope.” (1 Thess 4: 13), thereby acknowledging even Christians grieve. Not giving ourselves a chance to grieve or to “feel” is basically saying that God is more concerned with our quick fix rather than how He could work through the pain to bring about a heart transformation.

Your grieving could come from the seemingly “death” of your dreams. But do not grieve as those “who have no hope”. Those closed doors do not mean that God’s hands are tied and you are done fore. I love the words of Acts 17; 26 – “He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place” (emphasis mine). These words scream to me, PURPOSE. It’s been scripted, this is where God has placed me– the rejection was no accident. Not that I become passive in knowing this. Rather it is chance to seek out what God would have me do here, where He has placed me.

Verses 27 – 28 of the same chapter give a starting point. “That they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us” Use these moments to truly seek God. To have God is to have the greatest treasure life has to offer – more than a great job, a great school. Find your peace in God, as He reveals to you how your preferred path might not even be the best path. And remember,  “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?”. He gave you your life’s greatest need, His Son, that you would be reconciled to him. Surely another job, school, house or spouse is not something too hard for him to grant you. Humble yourself therefore before Him, rest in His sovereignty, rest in His peace.

Author: Winnie Mughogho is an aspiring economist, lover of books, metallic-orange Jeeps and blue Doritos. She’s also a Christian and if you’d like to read more of her ramblings head over to needleanditspole.wordpress.com

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